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Message from the Desk of the President
Ok you pack of arseholes, the last twelve months has felt like being on a hamster wheel, if said wheel decided to mule kick you in the balls with every revolution. But in an effort to try and make sense of it all let’s stick with the basics – wash your hands, sit down, keep the lies to a minimum, and let’s get through this fucking review of possibly the worst 12 months we’ve had as a club.
Before we continue I just to clarify something. Any snap shots of text messages you see in these reviews are real (except last year’s stunt dick in the one about Luke Viz’s ankle injury). I got some feedback from last year’s review doubting the veracity of some of these. My response is this.
Ok you pack of arseholes, the last twelve months has felt like being on a hamster wheel, if said wheel decided to mule kick you in the balls with every revolution. But in an effort to try and make sense of it all let’s stick with the basics – wash your hands, sit down, keep the lies to a minimum, and let’s get through this fucking review of possibly the worst 12 months we’ve had as a club.
Before we continue I just to clarify something. Any snap shots of text messages you see in these reviews are real (except last year’s stunt dick in the one about Luke Viz’s ankle injury). I got some feedback from last year’s review doubting the veracity of some of these. My response is this.
- Go fuck yourself.
- I have no idea if Rantucci pisses in his own hair Todd Carney style. He said it. I merely suggested he drink more coconut water in response because I support my teammates.
- Imagine a world where the private, intimate, idiotic, and vulnerable moments of your text messages were publicly published for the good humor for all. Guess what? You are an adult and you clicked on the link because you laughed at it last time around (or you liked the stunt dick, in which case there are other dark areas of the internet for more of that, just ask Messina). Reality is often stranger and funnier than fiction you just need some sad prick like me to shine a light on it.
2020 Season Review
2020 rolled around and we were all full of the usual enthusiasm, well wishes and potential body weight issues that ushers in a new season. In retrospect I think this was largely down to the dynamic and responsive leadership shown by Moodies Management (yes you cunts, I mean Brim and I). I looked back at our enthusiasm for 2020 and our synergy and encouragement was there from week one. Don’t believe me? Look for your fucken self…
2020 rolled around and we were all full of the usual enthusiasm, well wishes and potential body weight issues that ushers in a new season. In retrospect I think this was largely down to the dynamic and responsive leadership shown by Moodies Management (yes you cunts, I mean Brim and I). I looked back at our enthusiasm for 2020 and our synergy and encouragement was there from week one. Don’t believe me? Look for your fucken self…
Mind you Brims pre-season call to arms may not have been as empowering as we thought...
Anyway the 35’s had another stellar year winning the league and grand final. The 45’s….well…played…and…er lost a semi-final. Of course, I am fully prepared to blame the empty cabinet in this instance to no cups being played. The 45’s if anything specialize in the fuck-the-form-guide, smash and grab style of play. At least that is what I tell myself. The fuck-COVID Christmas Party was its usual success even if the ill-thought-out CBD strip club excursion afterwards was not. FFS. Anyway. 2020. Let’s get into it.
35’s MVP
Last year I subtly…, actually that’s not true, I used the threat of violence to encourage the 35’s players to take the time when voting, to consider why they were voting. Maybe not just vote for the player who was most recently in his physical prime as a player (I see you Mitch Bull).
35’s MVP
Last year I subtly…, actually that’s not true, I used the threat of violence to encourage the 35’s players to take the time when voting, to consider why they were voting. Maybe not just vote for the player who was most recently in his physical prime as a player (I see you Mitch Bull).
If you must vote for the best player across a season explain why. Give me an insight or funny rationale. Put some effort in. In other words
HELP ME WRITE THIS FUCKING PARAGRAPH IN THIS PART OF THE FUCKING REVIEW!
And this is the help I get...
HELP ME WRITE THIS FUCKING PARAGRAPH IN THIS PART OF THE FUCKING REVIEW!
And this is the help I get...
Of course you can rely on our in-house Mackem to understand football is truly about self promotion and the loathing of all people including yourself. See Phil D's response
Of course, when it comes down to it. Scoring goals is important and the 35’s voted for the man whose goal tally has not yet been confirmed because the tally kept going up in real time like that counter recording the sodding national debt. Well-deserved win for the Moodies "Harry Kane, minus the speech impediment", dominant goal scorer Scottie White.
Winner of 35’s MVP: Scott White
Winner of 35’s MVP: Scott White
45’s MVP
In direct contrast to the 35’s the MVP for the 45’s is never about being “the best”. Quite frankly by the time being 45+ rolls around “being the best” is not really a thing anymore. Particularly across a full season. If you look at our quality of football some nights we look more like a loss to brick laying than capable footballers. So with that in mind this award gets given more frequently for an attitudinal thing. This year’s winner, started off sick, living up to his “Downtime Dave” nickname. Once he got going had a good season in center of defense. Then his lower leg fell apart. Then he taped it up and kept playing. Then it was completely fucked, and tape wasn’t cutting it.
In direct contrast to the 35’s the MVP for the 45’s is never about being “the best”. Quite frankly by the time being 45+ rolls around “being the best” is not really a thing anymore. Particularly across a full season. If you look at our quality of football some nights we look more like a loss to brick laying than capable footballers. So with that in mind this award gets given more frequently for an attitudinal thing. This year’s winner, started off sick, living up to his “Downtime Dave” nickname. Once he got going had a good season in center of defense. Then his lower leg fell apart. Then he taped it up and kept playing. Then it was completely fucked, and tape wasn’t cutting it.
So Hughsie had a week off, played again and went down fucked again. Then he went in goal for the remainder of the season. Limping off the field after every game, texting me the following day to state how fucked it was but saying he was in goal the following week. Then he got the doctors note stating he’d been playing with a ruptured Achilles. What can you say to that? Well….Hughes you probably should have gotten that scan a little earlier. would probably be the place to start …
Fuck whatever.... its easy to see why Dave Hughes won the trophy. Good stuff Hughsie!
Epic Winner of the 45’s MVP winner: Dave Hughes
Fuck whatever.... its easy to see why Dave Hughes won the trophy. Good stuff Hughsie!
Epic Winner of the 45’s MVP winner: Dave Hughes
35’s Report Card
I don’t know if you noticed the changing tone in Brimstones communication towards the 35’s but we spoke about the possible passive-aggressive undertones creeping in. Brim took this feedback on board and came back to me with an idea of providing direct feedback to the players. Possibly in a more overt aggressive-aggressive tone but here it is. Captains report card for the 35's.
I don’t know if you noticed the changing tone in Brimstones communication towards the 35’s but we spoke about the possible passive-aggressive undertones creeping in. Brim took this feedback on board and came back to me with an idea of providing direct feedback to the players. Possibly in a more overt aggressive-aggressive tone but here it is. Captains report card for the 35's.
- Scott White (A-). Scored 100 goals in 8 matches before succumbing to the curse of the MVP trophy in the finals. May have benefited from everyone around him being dog shit.
- Rich. (C-) Between getting married, sleeping in fields and buying a new house in Ingham was not a regular at games.
- Locky (B). Picked fights with anyone who marked him. ‘Politely’ took on a mentoring role in Capo’s development as a ref, regularly proving him with feedback. Often started with “Look cunt..”
- Sean. (D+) Continues to shoot from long range with a declining strike rate. Was seen leaving the center-circle during games. Mostly for a water bottle.
- Messina. (D) Social media agitator. On field performances would be the envy of any ballerina. If ballerina sex-pests were a thing.
- Wade. (D-ish) His passing and crossing continues to have several teammates questioning his teamwork or possibly his eyesight.
- Kingy (A-) Mr Fix it. Played anywhere and everywhere, including the 45’s who weren’t keen on a loan deal post-match.
- Crowe. (A-) Believed to have financed the new mezzanine bar at Cover Girls. Secretly a better striker than Scottie.
- Peppler. (A) Scored more goals than Wade, Karl and Sean combined and even then only scored seven goals.
- Vis. (A) Several questionable passes drew comparison to Toddy. Eye surgery did nothing to correct this. Best on ground each week for his post-game efforts.
- Mitch (A+). Fucking greyhound that caught the lure every week. Concerned teammates sent his missus a letter begging her to ease up on the whip and those bruises.
- Phil (A-). Like a good red, got better with each week standing up in Mitches absence. Wanted the MVP trophy so badly he dragged it around for Scottie.
- Karl (Did not play in requisite matches to grade). Lost? Gap Year? Several unconfirmed sightings. Reported missing.
- Muchi (A) Safe as a bank in goals. Warming to the Moodies ethos.
- Mick VH (B+) Didn't play much instead focusing much of his time on a dirty bulk to get himself ready to be red carded in the 45's. Of course was around when needed, pulling his shit stirring captain out of trouble in the grand final by ramming the soul out of some Reds wanna be hard man.
- Brim (C). Self-Assessment. May have a ‘C’ next to his name continuing to contribute less (on field) each week. Appears to have saved his best performance of the season with a double in the final only to find a higher gear at the Christmas Party with his wife finding him semi dead, laying on the driveway at the end of the night. Win ratio as manager remains intact.
Most Racist Trophy
Bill Burr once said “Racism is rarely overt. It’s quiet, it’s subtle”. Well fuck me, in 2020 it wasn’t. George Floyd gets ground planted by a group of Minneapolis cops who think they’re some reincarnation of the Legion of Doom. Next there’s a ‘Black Lives Matter’ movement. Next the swamp empties and we get ‘All Lives Matters’ and the Proud Boys are stomping about the place. In a pandemic. Then the winner of this trophy steps in. Not having all this BLM street art malarkey for a moment, he loads up on Pride paint and decides to start marking his territory. From Freshwater Connection all the way down Kamerunga Road to the Straddie church. That’s at least two kilometers you white power prick! Don’t give me all that, “ Me paint tin was dripping in me Ute” shit.
Bill Burr once said “Racism is rarely overt. It’s quiet, it’s subtle”. Well fuck me, in 2020 it wasn’t. George Floyd gets ground planted by a group of Minneapolis cops who think they’re some reincarnation of the Legion of Doom. Next there’s a ‘Black Lives Matter’ movement. Next the swamp empties and we get ‘All Lives Matters’ and the Proud Boys are stomping about the place. In a pandemic. Then the winner of this trophy steps in. Not having all this BLM street art malarkey for a moment, he loads up on Pride paint and decides to start marking his territory. From Freshwater Connection all the way down Kamerunga Road to the Straddie church. That’s at least two kilometers you white power prick! Don’t give me all that, “ Me paint tin was dripping in me Ute” shit.
Winner of ‘Most Racist Trophy” goes to: You fucking know who you are. The rest of you can see his written confession below.
Stone Cold Super Nova Shit Show Award - 2020
For those who came in late: a few years ago, the Moodies Brain Trust got together, realized there had to be a separate category for those individuals who commit acts of such personal dubious achievement and thus created the 'Stone Cold Super Nova Shit Show Award'. Fuck me the winner that year came roaring out of the darkness and got actual time in pokey. The actions taken to win THIS award will only be given to epic level, grandmaster kicking, Holy Yezzus, I don't know how to describe it but I know it when I see it, levels of fuckery. This year’s winner grabbed hold of the award based of his own epic level of self-injurious behavior.
It all started with a simple text from Andy...
Not to get all 'Momento' on you but then I saw the prequel pic...
Then I saw the actual footage of El Andy, quietly taking his drink before Ram-Manning one of the actual support columns of the Pub.
We all know the joke that Andy could start a fight in an empty house but in this instance the house decided it had seen fuckin enough and pimp slapped him back for his troubles. Cue the ambo’s.
The good news is – this tale ends with a happy story. After a few calls to Victims Assist and a bit of dispute resolution Andy has made up with his mistress and he and the Red Beret are once again back in each other’s loving arms.
Winner of the 2020 Stone Cold Super Nova Shit Show Award: El Andy
The good news is – this tale ends with a happy story. After a few calls to Victims Assist and a bit of dispute resolution Andy has made up with his mistress and he and the Red Beret are once again back in each other’s loving arms.
Winner of the 2020 Stone Cold Super Nova Shit Show Award: El Andy
Sooky La-La Award
You know in a year where a global pandemic raged across the world like Genghis Khan on Crystal Meth, people dying everywhere, loved ones being separated and people squabbling over bog rolls, you must really be on point to be a first ballot, hall of fame wanker to win this award.
And yet JGFA 35’s & 45’s here you are.
In a time where people are looking to consolidate, value personal connections and support each other you spit the dummy and go home. Then the very next day you try to garner support via email for your new comp based on playing socially, and all based around just having fun and staying injury free. Maybe looking up the definition of “Irony” might be the place to start all the fun.
Winners of the 2020 Sooky La-La Award: The Comp in the Swamp.
You know in a year where a global pandemic raged across the world like Genghis Khan on Crystal Meth, people dying everywhere, loved ones being separated and people squabbling over bog rolls, you must really be on point to be a first ballot, hall of fame wanker to win this award.
And yet JGFA 35’s & 45’s here you are.
In a time where people are looking to consolidate, value personal connections and support each other you spit the dummy and go home. Then the very next day you try to garner support via email for your new comp based on playing socially, and all based around just having fun and staying injury free. Maybe looking up the definition of “Irony” might be the place to start all the fun.
Winners of the 2020 Sooky La-La Award: The Comp in the Swamp.
Best Social Media Award
Last year the entire Moody Blues FC took home the participation award for this one. In keeping with a winning tradition the entire club kept true to form and well….you’ll see.
Last year the entire Moody Blues FC took home the participation award for this one. In keeping with a winning tradition the entire club kept true to form and well….you’ll see.
Ok you complete bastards, a few of you raised the one above with me. I thought on it for awhile and honestly don't know if my reaction is
"Aw Rich, you sweet, sweet man. You look very happy and I wish you and the good wife all the happiness in the world"
Or
"Well Clarice - have the lambs stopped screaming?"
"Aw Rich, you sweet, sweet man. You look very happy and I wish you and the good wife all the happiness in the world"
Or
"Well Clarice - have the lambs stopped screaming?"
Back to Back Winner of the Best Social Media - Participation Award: Moody Blues FC
Just Some Last Words…
I feel I have something more to say about the last six weeks.
Sitting down and banging out this review it’s hard to not to think about Millsy. I have a habit of looking through a few entries in the Moodies website before I write something new. Some of this habit is about trying to remember what I had previously wrote. Other times it’s just to simply re-situate myself with you all. Without fail I would then look at all the new ideas I had and always find myself thinking “Oh Christ, that’s right, Millsy did that”. Now it just makes his absence more poignant and real.
It is within that context I wanted to say thanks to all of you. I can think of countless examples of the people in and connected to our club reaching out, checking in and moving to support those of us struggling in moments through this time. It is a powerful reminder of why our group is worthy of investment whether its time or energy (or alcohol).
Dave Stuart started the website in 2012/13 and the first couple of entries he wrote were directly about Millsy. In 2014 the first thing I ever published on the website was a fictional letter written by Millsy, bitterly accepting the end of his Moody Blues Presidency and dumping a level of shit on people on the way out that Trump never managed. He cackled with laughter when he read it.
Everyone has a Millsy story (or six). His presence, his mischievousness and his comradery is interwoven in the DNA of our club. It is sometimes hard to know what the appropriate thing to say is, regarding someone who is gone but I know for one I would love to hear any thought or story about our friend you may have. Let’s be honest, Millsy was never one to be burdened about the appropriateness of a topic in the moment. If that’s not your deal, that’s cool too. I miss our friend. Writing this review, again, just highlights a space that I’m not sure what to do with. Nor have I made peace with. I still have small moments where it’s all a bit raw again. But that’s ok. I know I have my team mates to rely on. As do you. And that is a pretty good place to be...
Cheers guys
Bordo
Just Some Last Words…
I feel I have something more to say about the last six weeks.
Sitting down and banging out this review it’s hard to not to think about Millsy. I have a habit of looking through a few entries in the Moodies website before I write something new. Some of this habit is about trying to remember what I had previously wrote. Other times it’s just to simply re-situate myself with you all. Without fail I would then look at all the new ideas I had and always find myself thinking “Oh Christ, that’s right, Millsy did that”. Now it just makes his absence more poignant and real.
It is within that context I wanted to say thanks to all of you. I can think of countless examples of the people in and connected to our club reaching out, checking in and moving to support those of us struggling in moments through this time. It is a powerful reminder of why our group is worthy of investment whether its time or energy (or alcohol).
Dave Stuart started the website in 2012/13 and the first couple of entries he wrote were directly about Millsy. In 2014 the first thing I ever published on the website was a fictional letter written by Millsy, bitterly accepting the end of his Moody Blues Presidency and dumping a level of shit on people on the way out that Trump never managed. He cackled with laughter when he read it.
Everyone has a Millsy story (or six). His presence, his mischievousness and his comradery is interwoven in the DNA of our club. It is sometimes hard to know what the appropriate thing to say is, regarding someone who is gone but I know for one I would love to hear any thought or story about our friend you may have. Let’s be honest, Millsy was never one to be burdened about the appropriateness of a topic in the moment. If that’s not your deal, that’s cool too. I miss our friend. Writing this review, again, just highlights a space that I’m not sure what to do with. Nor have I made peace with. I still have small moments where it’s all a bit raw again. But that’s ok. I know I have my team mates to rely on. As do you. And that is a pretty good place to be...
Cheers guys
Bordo