From the Desk of the President
You know………In the off season I often get asked ‘How’s it go’in?” when people see me for the first time in a while. Of course, all questions are inherently considered against the backdrop of context, so after 2021 and its trials and tribulations, which included never ending COVID, losing our friend and teammate, anything you care to whack on the vaccine pinata and the general trend of peak self-importance in the Western world, I just assume people are actually asking me, 'What flavor of Toilet Duck you chugging tonight?'
“You’re just being dramatic Bordo!”, I hear you say. Well, I was going to begin the 2021 review with “it started rough, but it got easier...” But that just sounds like an Amazon dildo review. Instead, in trying to find a narrative anchor for the Moody Blues 2021 season I found inspiration in a Mortal Kombat (2021) movie review. It just seemed to speak to me as a working proxy descriptor of the Moodies.
“Mortal Kombat, is a dumb as fuck movie, with paper thin characters, questionable acting and a ludicrous plot that makes about as much sense as Amy Schumer still getting acting gigs. It’s also unpretentious, self-aware fun if you’re willing to disengage your brain for a few hours” (The Critical Drinker, May 2021).
Sounds just like us. It’s just missing the blue jersey.
But as always in an effort to try and make sense of 2021, let’s stick with the basics – wash your hands, remember that science is like magic – but real, keep the lies to a minimum, and remember we’re not here to fuck spiders.
So lets get to it…
You know………In the off season I often get asked ‘How’s it go’in?” when people see me for the first time in a while. Of course, all questions are inherently considered against the backdrop of context, so after 2021 and its trials and tribulations, which included never ending COVID, losing our friend and teammate, anything you care to whack on the vaccine pinata and the general trend of peak self-importance in the Western world, I just assume people are actually asking me, 'What flavor of Toilet Duck you chugging tonight?'
“You’re just being dramatic Bordo!”, I hear you say. Well, I was going to begin the 2021 review with “it started rough, but it got easier...” But that just sounds like an Amazon dildo review. Instead, in trying to find a narrative anchor for the Moody Blues 2021 season I found inspiration in a Mortal Kombat (2021) movie review. It just seemed to speak to me as a working proxy descriptor of the Moodies.
“Mortal Kombat, is a dumb as fuck movie, with paper thin characters, questionable acting and a ludicrous plot that makes about as much sense as Amy Schumer still getting acting gigs. It’s also unpretentious, self-aware fun if you’re willing to disengage your brain for a few hours” (The Critical Drinker, May 2021).
Sounds just like us. It’s just missing the blue jersey.
But as always in an effort to try and make sense of 2021, let’s stick with the basics – wash your hands, remember that science is like magic – but real, keep the lies to a minimum, and remember we’re not here to fuck spiders.
So lets get to it…
Best Social Media Award
Most years this category is simply acknowledged as a participation award with the entire Moody Blues FC getting the nod. Fuck that, in 2021 you fuckers didn’t try hard enough. So instead, this award goes to a to a participant within the Moodies orbit, who responded to an announcing story with speed and brevity and fucked her husband up with two words.
Ms Bennett, we see you and salute you.
Please see the post below.
Winner of the Best Social Media – Natasa Bennett
Most years this category is simply acknowledged as a participation award with the entire Moody Blues FC getting the nod. Fuck that, in 2021 you fuckers didn’t try hard enough. So instead, this award goes to a to a participant within the Moodies orbit, who responded to an announcing story with speed and brevity and fucked her husband up with two words.
Ms Bennett, we see you and salute you.
Please see the post below.
Winner of the Best Social Media – Natasa Bennett
45’s Player Review
On a dark and rainy day in January the Moodies board convened, and it wasn’t just the usual budget and footballing jurisprudence. No, it was time for the Board to assess the 2021 individual assessments for our rapidly fading stars.
Andy Moore (A-) El Andy is the 2021 MVP which speaks volumes about what our voters see as important in our most valuable player. It’s not for his sense of fairness or temperament because he loses his shit at his own players. It’s not in his athleticism because well…. we’ve seen him. It’s not in his range of passing because he doesn’t. No, it’s the goals. In 2021 Andy played in a team which Graham didn’t and Masters and Kamal did, so it’s important that some cunt was kicking them in the net and that’s what this El Hefe striker did so in loads in 2021.
On a dark and rainy day in January the Moodies board convened, and it wasn’t just the usual budget and footballing jurisprudence. No, it was time for the Board to assess the 2021 individual assessments for our rapidly fading stars.
Andy Moore (A-) El Andy is the 2021 MVP which speaks volumes about what our voters see as important in our most valuable player. It’s not for his sense of fairness or temperament because he loses his shit at his own players. It’s not in his athleticism because well…. we’ve seen him. It’s not in his range of passing because he doesn’t. No, it’s the goals. In 2021 Andy played in a team which Graham didn’t and Masters and Kamal did, so it’s important that some cunt was kicking them in the net and that’s what this El Hefe striker did so in loads in 2021.
Winner of the 45’s MVP – Andrew Abigail Moore
Spiro (Grade: F ) Just like a good Feta, Spiro started the season off well but just started to crumble and become generally unappetizing. Then came the injury text in May with a critical typo “be back in 4-6 weeks”. We next saw him again in November. So Spiro has been graded an “F”. F for Feta, fucking auto correct, fucked off, but turns up for ‘F”inals.
Keeper Dan. (D+) We think Dan came to us after a career in the military because he clearly lived the ethos of “Don’t ask, don’t tell”, including his fucken name. A couple of the lads thought his name was ‘Dean’. Who happens to be an entirely different, 45 year old man playing in the Moodies 45’s team. Exactly what they thought Dean’s name………..never fucken mind. No one had a clue who he was. Bordo even cropped him out of the 45's team photo, with the new kit, thinking he was a dirty gypsy. Anyway, DAN jumped in goals without complaint which is more than can be said for any Moodies player (including possibly Spiro) particularly in the final when DEAN kicked a ball into his face at point blank. If there is a highlight reel for goal keepers getting a ball drilled into their noggin and scoring a home goal in a grand final – Dan is your man.
Dave Hughes (C) the returning MVP, like so many before him, won the individual big one in 2020 with his indestructible warrior Dave persona to just fuckin falling off an absolute cliff in 2021. Dave broke down game by game, piece by piece, with Dave Stuart wondering if he had accidently swallowed one of Dave’s detached toes in one of his own ground digging belly flops.
By midseason things were getting so bad for Hughsie an R.U.O.K intervention had to be sent out collectively by the team. Not so much concern for Hughsie, more so for society when the Tigers got arse raped by the Melbourne Storm 60 - 6.
Things calmed down after that and Dave got back to his more comfortable moniker of ‘Down Time Dave’.
C – for couldn’t finish a fucken game.
Read on for the Moodies R.U.O.K campaign in action.
Keeper Dan. (D+) We think Dan came to us after a career in the military because he clearly lived the ethos of “Don’t ask, don’t tell”, including his fucken name. A couple of the lads thought his name was ‘Dean’. Who happens to be an entirely different, 45 year old man playing in the Moodies 45’s team. Exactly what they thought Dean’s name………..never fucken mind. No one had a clue who he was. Bordo even cropped him out of the 45's team photo, with the new kit, thinking he was a dirty gypsy. Anyway, DAN jumped in goals without complaint which is more than can be said for any Moodies player (including possibly Spiro) particularly in the final when DEAN kicked a ball into his face at point blank. If there is a highlight reel for goal keepers getting a ball drilled into their noggin and scoring a home goal in a grand final – Dan is your man.
Dave Hughes (C) the returning MVP, like so many before him, won the individual big one in 2020 with his indestructible warrior Dave persona to just fuckin falling off an absolute cliff in 2021. Dave broke down game by game, piece by piece, with Dave Stuart wondering if he had accidently swallowed one of Dave’s detached toes in one of his own ground digging belly flops.
By midseason things were getting so bad for Hughsie an R.U.O.K intervention had to be sent out collectively by the team. Not so much concern for Hughsie, more so for society when the Tigers got arse raped by the Melbourne Storm 60 - 6.
Things calmed down after that and Dave got back to his more comfortable moniker of ‘Down Time Dave’.
C – for couldn’t finish a fucken game.
Read on for the Moodies R.U.O.K campaign in action.
Dean ‘Dino’ Skelton (C). Dino started the season with Bordo promising the boys he was the business and then looked like cooked dog shit in his first two games thanks to a pulled quad for all his enthusiasm. A few weeks later he came back and seemed to remember he could play football well and then was a revelation, proceeding to foul every person he marked, repeatedly and got away with it. This behavior seemed at odds with his off field mellow Englishman demeanor.
Season rating of a C. C for being covertly cuntie and looking confused and aghast at any referee that made even a suggestion he'd fouled someone.
Season rating of a C. C for being covertly cuntie and looking confused and aghast at any referee that made even a suggestion he'd fouled someone.
Manly Matty (C) had a big year proudly confirming himself as antivaxxer, iconoclast and minor Croatian royalty, claiming that creative tiling and 80’s porn allowed him to beat COVID.
Manly’s return to football after temporary footballing retirement (2017 – 2020) wasn’t all smooth sailing. In his first footballing moment of 2021 he looked like a stumbling fawn who’d maxed out on too many disco biscuits, basically pirouetting when the ball went past him and ending up in a twitching mess of long legs and confusion. We feared the worst. When so many of his teammates asked Manly how such a distracted human being got so many fast twitch muscles, Manly showed us some old footage of his dad who was so fast on an NRL field it looked like a bunch of out of shape tradies chasing a man on a scooter as he ran down the wing. Motivation revitalized, the old Manly soon got back on the field and in no time, he was sprinting past people like a grinning Mongoose. Sometimes the ball even came with him.
Manly’s season still gets a C though. C for ‘Cheap as fuck’. After he was seen patching up a busted football boot with string. Not tape – too expensive – he used string to get by. See the phot evidence. FFS
Manly’s return to football after temporary footballing retirement (2017 – 2020) wasn’t all smooth sailing. In his first footballing moment of 2021 he looked like a stumbling fawn who’d maxed out on too many disco biscuits, basically pirouetting when the ball went past him and ending up in a twitching mess of long legs and confusion. We feared the worst. When so many of his teammates asked Manly how such a distracted human being got so many fast twitch muscles, Manly showed us some old footage of his dad who was so fast on an NRL field it looked like a bunch of out of shape tradies chasing a man on a scooter as he ran down the wing. Motivation revitalized, the old Manly soon got back on the field and in no time, he was sprinting past people like a grinning Mongoose. Sometimes the ball even came with him.
Manly’s season still gets a C though. C for ‘Cheap as fuck’. After he was seen patching up a busted football boot with string. Not tape – too expensive – he used string to get by. See the phot evidence. FFS
Pedro Martinho (C) Andy Moore stated after a game in the later part of 2021, “Tonight was the best game I’ve seen Pedro play, the little Latin hobbit wasn’t shitful. He’s getting better!”.
High praise from our current MVP Latino, who if anything, is known for his constant distain of teammates.
Pedro moved into the striker position for a few games and scored a few bangers but balanced this off with the odd home goal as well just to prove the Universal Portuguese goal threat he is becoming. Still scored more goals than Jase and Graham. War Pedro.
High praise from our current MVP Latino, who if anything, is known for his constant distain of teammates.
Pedro moved into the striker position for a few games and scored a few bangers but balanced this off with the odd home goal as well just to prove the Universal Portuguese goal threat he is becoming. Still scored more goals than Jase and Graham. War Pedro.
Walsey (C) Walsey was determined by the board to be “solidly average” this year from a footballing perspective but certainly found a higher gear indirectly.
In one of Walsey's better games against Rovers, one of their whingy cunts (I know that doesn’t break it down much) yelled at the ref, “He can’t play in the 45’s league, how old is he?” as Walsey greyhounded past him. The look of existential dread and sudden realization of general failure in all of life’s goals that spread across the complainant’s face when Moody teammates explained to him that Walsey was actually 53, will never fade.
There was also the odd moment when Walsey volunteered for goalkeeper on a cold rainy night with a bad knee and he continued the game with a babushka scarf to keep his bald head warm. Teammates said he looked fucken weird, Bordo said he’s never felt so culturally safe. Nice one Bob.
In one of Walsey's better games against Rovers, one of their whingy cunts (I know that doesn’t break it down much) yelled at the ref, “He can’t play in the 45’s league, how old is he?” as Walsey greyhounded past him. The look of existential dread and sudden realization of general failure in all of life’s goals that spread across the complainant’s face when Moody teammates explained to him that Walsey was actually 53, will never fade.
There was also the odd moment when Walsey volunteered for goalkeeper on a cold rainy night with a bad knee and he continued the game with a babushka scarf to keep his bald head warm. Teammates said he looked fucken weird, Bordo said he’s never felt so culturally safe. Nice one Bob.
Tommy (B+) Moodies MVP runner up had a cracker of a year which included a cracked toe that he kept playing on throughout the year. I for one don’t feel I’m any type of expert when it comes to Asian medicines, but I feel fairly certain the remedy for a broken toe isn’t driving the compromised phalanges like a Spartan spear into any forward he can find. Tommy seemed determined that goal was going to take him to the promised land and punted every striker that came his way. To put Tommy into perspective he was MVP runner up with a broken toe and fucked ankle all year. 2022 looks good for the Vietnamese Ironman.
Viska (C) I’ll say this about Viska, he runs his arse off. Runs and runs and runs – particularly when he’s playing against the Moody Blues. Cunt.
Viska runs so much that he even disposed Andy when he was fucking around with it and not passing (as usual). Of course, Viska didn’t think this through and then tried to go tackle for tackle with Andy. And then his night ended with a fucked arm.
We all love Viska and the odd shit he does……like living in Babinda or driving to football only to realize he left one of his boots in Babinda.
Viska is also a big proponent of Bitcoin which means the cheeky prick pays his $10 game fee with every piece of shitting coin shrapnel he can find. He also loves getting sassy and throwing text shade at Bordo.
Viska runs so much that he even disposed Andy when he was fucking around with it and not passing (as usual). Of course, Viska didn’t think this through and then tried to go tackle for tackle with Andy. And then his night ended with a fucked arm.
We all love Viska and the odd shit he does……like living in Babinda or driving to football only to realize he left one of his boots in Babinda.
Viska is also a big proponent of Bitcoin which means the cheeky prick pays his $10 game fee with every piece of shitting coin shrapnel he can find. He also loves getting sassy and throwing text shade at Bordo.
Dave Stuart (V) Graded ‘V” for victory. We didn’t expect much when Dave made his long coming comeback from hip replacement surgery but not long into the season, he displayed a new style of footballing kung-fu he’s been working on through his prolonged footballing absence – The driving scoring stumbler technique. Defenses across the league are now whispering their fear of Dave Stuart getting a head full of steam, driving forward, stumbling, careening, rebounding through defensive walls to only get a last second pass-shot away before plowing the earth with chest and chin. It’s not pretty but it's entertaining.
Dave Stuart further revealed his affiliation with the Clan of the White Lotus (or maybe that’s the Redlynch Valley Orchid Appreciation society) when executing his own brand of footballing Dim-Mak against Victory’s Whiner in Chief – Eddy. Eddy (a man twice Dave’s size) contested a 50/50 ball with Dave only to go down like a lump of whining shit, to then get up, clutch his chest, go down again and begin fake coughing to no-one-at-all’s-interest. Not getting the desired level of sympathy he rolled around on the ground couching, before crawling off the field swearing and muttering. He then encountered known sympathetic merchants - Hughsie and Bordo who provided Eddy with an immediate medical diagnosis of ‘whiney vagina’ before he laid on the ground, fake coughing, moaning and continuing to hurl expletives at Dave Stuart whenever he ventured close to the sideline.
Dave went over at full time to shake Eddy’s hand, who was having none of it. Dave was believed to be considering the five-point heart exploding palm technique, but this clashed with his veganism, and he let it be. Solid night regardless.
Dave Stuart further revealed his affiliation with the Clan of the White Lotus (or maybe that’s the Redlynch Valley Orchid Appreciation society) when executing his own brand of footballing Dim-Mak against Victory’s Whiner in Chief – Eddy. Eddy (a man twice Dave’s size) contested a 50/50 ball with Dave only to go down like a lump of whining shit, to then get up, clutch his chest, go down again and begin fake coughing to no-one-at-all’s-interest. Not getting the desired level of sympathy he rolled around on the ground couching, before crawling off the field swearing and muttering. He then encountered known sympathetic merchants - Hughsie and Bordo who provided Eddy with an immediate medical diagnosis of ‘whiney vagina’ before he laid on the ground, fake coughing, moaning and continuing to hurl expletives at Dave Stuart whenever he ventured close to the sideline.
Dave went over at full time to shake Eddy’s hand, who was having none of it. Dave was believed to be considering the five-point heart exploding palm technique, but this clashed with his veganism, and he let it be. Solid night regardless.
Alan Hughes (A) Big Al is over 70, not looking out of place in mid field and still loving it. We all know that look he still gives when all he’s asking for is an uncomplicated simple pass and our boys do anything but. Al was one of four players celebrated this year for playing into his 70's. The Man and his sons pictured below.
Nelson (Playing C- / Off field A-) The panel voted 2021 may have been Nelson’s form slump year. Apparently carrying all of that COVID guilt is taxing. Bat biting aside, Nelson had a stellar year off the field securing sponsorships, managing the new polo project from beginning to end and showing the patience of a Saint in organizing the new players strip with Toddy.
Of course, there was also his brief run on ‘The Hard Quiz” game show. He was doing well until he needed to “phone a friend”. No one answered, so he tried the Moodies WhatsApp forgetting that nothing, but niche porn gets responded to.
Moodies management feels with less off field distractions in 2022, Nelson will probably (or not) put in some big game performances to match the occasional wonder goal he scored this year.
Of course, there was also his brief run on ‘The Hard Quiz” game show. He was doing well until he needed to “phone a friend”. No one answered, so he tried the Moodies WhatsApp forgetting that nothing, but niche porn gets responded to.
Moodies management feels with less off field distractions in 2022, Nelson will probably (or not) put in some big game performances to match the occasional wonder goal he scored this year.
Bordo (C) The C is for Crunch. It’s not clear if it’s for the style of tackle he defaults to or the chocolate bar he swears is a training supplement. It was a confusing year for Bordo as he appeared to disavow running over people after breaking some of Steve Goodchilds ribs and replaced it with playing the occasional bit of football.
Of course, this just resulted in Bordo having culturally insensitive barbs thrown at him by Toddy, claiming he didn’t want to see anymore ballerina shit from Bordo. Some serious questions about what type of ballet Toddy gets into aside, Bordo continues to be - not what the Moody Blues want, but what the Moody Blues need – a present, patient arsehole who’s a part-time wailing tree, organizer, negotiator, injury sympathizer, recruiter, priest, delegator, accountant, historian, scribe and occasionally even a footballer who keeps the Shitshow Express running on time.
Of course, this just resulted in Bordo having culturally insensitive barbs thrown at him by Toddy, claiming he didn’t want to see anymore ballerina shit from Bordo. Some serious questions about what type of ballet Toddy gets into aside, Bordo continues to be - not what the Moody Blues want, but what the Moody Blues need – a present, patient arsehole who’s a part-time wailing tree, organizer, negotiator, injury sympathizer, recruiter, priest, delegator, accountant, historian, scribe and occasionally even a footballer who keeps the Shitshow Express running on time.
Rantucci (F) for finally legal. Despite Nelson continuing to nominate Tucci as proof of COVID fat being a real thing, Tucci appeared to have a consistent year. Consistently absent, consistently late, consistently lazy, consistent excuses. The panel agreed that maybe we need to speak with his wife to assess if he’s consistent across all domains and confirm if this is actually peak Tucci? What a scary though.
Tucci did show an unexpected mean streak during the season but naturally had nothing to do will football. For those of you who don’t know, Masters car broke down in the badlands on the way to Mossman and ended up having to walk down the highway to get help. Of course, Tucci, his teammate of many years, drives past and actually sees him and comments to himself, “That guy looked a bit like Masters!”, while accelerating off in search of a pie shop, leaving poor Masters in the dust. His bullshit story wasn’t helped when he was seen clearly laughing.
Tucci did show an unexpected mean streak during the season but naturally had nothing to do will football. For those of you who don’t know, Masters car broke down in the badlands on the way to Mossman and ended up having to walk down the highway to get help. Of course, Tucci, his teammate of many years, drives past and actually sees him and comments to himself, “That guy looked a bit like Masters!”, while accelerating off in search of a pie shop, leaving poor Masters in the dust. His bullshit story wasn’t helped when he was seen clearly laughing.
Toddy (C) Toddy was assessed as having a verifiable “C” grade season, for his Cock block of the year performance. We put Toddy in center-midfield this year so he could focus on criticizing the forward line which peaked in his inspiring half time speech in our losing grand finale. Inspiring the forward line to want to assault him.
Toddy’s bravest moment of the season came mid-year when he decided to put his knob on the line and block a power drive shot with his ballbag, causing him to lay on the ground and to continue to lament the failings of his teammates. Subsequently he took a painting gig in Deeral and continued to social media contact his teammates like he was half the globe away when his no-show’s were queried. Viska travels further than that with half a pair of shoes. Nelson and Gab started rumors that Toddy was planning a Coup but got his supporter base all wrong with Graham who never showed up and El Andy who went for personal gold instead.
Toddy’s bravest moment of the season came mid-year when he decided to put his knob on the line and block a power drive shot with his ballbag, causing him to lay on the ground and to continue to lament the failings of his teammates. Subsequently he took a painting gig in Deeral and continued to social media contact his teammates like he was half the globe away when his no-show’s were queried. Viska travels further than that with half a pair of shoes. Nelson and Gab started rumors that Toddy was planning a Coup but got his supporter base all wrong with Graham who never showed up and El Andy who went for personal gold instead.
Chris Cunsamy (C) The panel assessed 2021 as one of Cunsamy’s worst years in a Moodies jersey asking what physical aliments had struck down our friend that has left him running with a stiffness that left the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz looking like Van Damme. It’s either a mystery condition or the guy needs to fuckoff his strict no-yoga policy and limber up.
It was a strange year for Benny Barber Snr as he seemed to take on a more passive, reflective, world-weary demeanor which is generally the direct opposite to anyone that plays in a formation next to Toddy. Come back Chris, Come back.
It was a strange year for Benny Barber Snr as he seemed to take on a more passive, reflective, world-weary demeanor which is generally the direct opposite to anyone that plays in a formation next to Toddy. Come back Chris, Come back.
Phil Ralfe (B-ish) The Marpoon Magic Man had a fairly typical season for him. Playing fortnightly and then disappearing for periods throughout the year before ending the second half of the season with Phil’s standard sick days and usual personal injury crisis. Phil had a personal best season for him, scoring some great goals. Most were even intentional.
Phil oddly appears to hold the statistic of the most fouled player in the Moodies which is odd given he plays 51% of the season and isn’t the standard antagonistic knobhead that puts on a Moodies jersey. People just seem to want to kick him. Time to up the prick factor next year Phil? Maybe some medical insurance as well.
Phil oddly appears to hold the statistic of the most fouled player in the Moodies which is odd given he plays 51% of the season and isn’t the standard antagonistic knobhead that puts on a Moodies jersey. People just seem to want to kick him. Time to up the prick factor next year Phil? Maybe some medical insurance as well.
Kamal (C). Kamals first full season with the Moodies was an eventful one. Kamal often led the forward charge of the 45’s and frequently got kicked pillar to post by the opposition with refing wombats like Derek giving very little his way. Kamal could often been seen saying, in response to every hurdle – “ I can take anything, I’m Indian”. Well, take a fucken shot early and take that shot on target and you may become the Moodies Maharaja with the positions you get yourself into. Here’s to a big 2022 for Killer Kamal.
Masters (D) Masters started the season off spritely but then experienced a significant bicep injury that he claims was from “cricket”. He returned late in the season to terrorize the local birds, that nest high in the trees at Stratford, with his shooting. Of course, Masters showed his determination in returning to the pitch with a near MVP performance with an angle grinder when the boys were temporarily locked out of Stratford soccer grounds. To add insult to injury Masters also had the pleasure of being completely ignored by Tucci in that ‘No phone coverage - the hills have eyes’ area of highway on the road to Mossman, after an untimely car breakdown.
Trialists
The Graham (G) rated ‘G’ for gap year. Get back to it.
DJ (G) rated ‘G’ for ginger hardman gone to night school. Get back to it.
The Graham (G) rated ‘G’ for gap year. Get back to it.
DJ (G) rated ‘G’ for ginger hardman gone to night school. Get back to it.
The 35's Player Review
I mentioned in the 2020 Review that Brimstone’s communication was presenting with a noticeable impatience and ‘edge’ to it. In 2021 I think it’s fair to say it’s continued on an upward trajectory to an antagonistic catty tone.
So, what better time for him to get his teachers marker out and grade the individual merits of a group of players in obvious decline. Prepare yourself for another episode of ‘Captain’s Facetime’.
Captain's face Time - 2021
Mitch (A) MVP Electrician turned pool builder who won MVP in a voting landslide. It gets hard to write superlatives for a man who just seems to be….well better than his team mates. So much so just look at this apology letter written back to the MVP when he missed a game (probably digging someone else’s pool for cardio) and merely enquired how the 35’s boys went without him for a night.
Mitch (A) MVP Electrician turned pool builder who won MVP in a voting landslide. It gets hard to write superlatives for a man who just seems to be….well better than his team mates. So much so just look at this apology letter written back to the MVP when he missed a game (probably digging someone else’s pool for cardio) and merely enquired how the 35’s boys went without him for a night.
Winner of the 35’s MVP winner - Mitch Bull
Scotty - C+ Late nights breastfeeding and extended periods of absence has caused him to forgot how to score goals. Best assist all season was pushing Messina out of the way of an intended punch in the head. Ruining a good story for everyone.
Rich - D+ Became a Dad, moved to Townsville and forgot how to use a mobile phone…….
Mich VH C+ Irregular attendance has seen him move into a new weight class.
Locky C+ Brilliant one week ordinary the next. ‘Kindly’ reminds his teammates of their deficiencies when he is not playing well. Was expected to excel in the end of year 45’s carnival. Apparently, he had other ideas.
Sean B- Several ‘goal of the year’ nominations has not made anyone forget that Sean is still reluctant to do much running but he continues to be the ‘Centre Circle Anchor’ for the 35’s.
Rich - D+ Became a Dad, moved to Townsville and forgot how to use a mobile phone…….
Mich VH C+ Irregular attendance has seen him move into a new weight class.
Locky C+ Brilliant one week ordinary the next. ‘Kindly’ reminds his teammates of their deficiencies when he is not playing well. Was expected to excel in the end of year 45’s carnival. Apparently, he had other ideas.
Sean B- Several ‘goal of the year’ nominations has not made anyone forget that Sean is still reluctant to do much running but he continues to be the ‘Centre Circle Anchor’ for the 35’s.
Messina B+ Completed an Ironman, Man of the Match performance at the Xmas after party and finally contributed on the field at his newfound position (No.10).
Unfortunately, still trying to fight everyone and anyone that has a dislike for his antics. Tried to punch on with JGFS and would have gotten sucker punched if not for Scotty White’s most useful assist of the year. The whole thing begs the question – Is it a coward punch if everyone’s generally ok with it?
Messina had an indifferent second half of the season when he seemed to be either stoned or making wildly puzzling athletic claims that none of his teammates have seen evidence of?
Unfortunately, still trying to fight everyone and anyone that has a dislike for his antics. Tried to punch on with JGFS and would have gotten sucker punched if not for Scotty White’s most useful assist of the year. The whole thing begs the question – Is it a coward punch if everyone’s generally ok with it?
Messina had an indifferent second half of the season when he seemed to be either stoned or making wildly puzzling athletic claims that none of his teammates have seen evidence of?
Wade C+ Still leaves most his teammates questioning whether it is a pass or a shot. Has a bright future in Beer Pong. Was expected to add an exciting new and fast attacking edge in his first ever 45’s carnival which only led to the same questions from a new set of teammates.
Brent - B+ Marquee signing for 2021. Had 1 hand on the MVP trophy prior to a lengthy injury. However, still managed to play more games then Rich, Mick and Amerio collectively.
Kingy - B Played everywhere and anywhere he was required with the traits of a good red wine - getting better with age. Except I’m calling bullshit on that because the cunt has barely aged a day in 30 years. The oldest player in the 35’s that actually showed he could translate his skills to a 45’s stage. Fuck you people are weird. Not you Chris. We good.
Kingy - B Played everywhere and anywhere he was required with the traits of a good red wine - getting better with age. Except I’m calling bullshit on that because the cunt has barely aged a day in 30 years. The oldest player in the 35’s that actually showed he could translate his skills to a 45’s stage. Fuck you people are weird. Not you Chris. We good.
Peppler - A Regained the form that saw him awarded the MVP in 2015? However, it would be nice to see him be a cunt to someone every once in a while. This sort of behaviour is starting to effect team cohesion 😆
Phil D - D This aging warhorse spent most of the season subbing himself off in disgust of his very average performances and softening body. Early discussions have commenced with his management and Bordo.
Amerio - C. Team Tampon (in for 1 week, out for 3 weeks) however was first to show up whenever beer was involved.
Muchi - B. Still disturbed and somewhat effected by Messina's pregame antics has led to several below par performances. Saved his best game for the final, winding back the clock 10 years.
Crowie - C+. Late nights on the grind (trying to impregnate the wife) have led to some averages performances. Did his best work upfront, managing to score more goals then most of the forward line. Quite impressive when you also consider he was far and away the leader for bullshit excuses for not turning up each week.
Muchi - B. Still disturbed and somewhat effected by Messina's pregame antics has led to several below par performances. Saved his best game for the final, winding back the clock 10 years.
Crowie - C+. Late nights on the grind (trying to impregnate the wife) have led to some averages performances. Did his best work upfront, managing to score more goals then most of the forward line. Quite impressive when you also consider he was far and away the leader for bullshit excuses for not turning up each week.
Karl - C+. Performed well above expectations in a couple cameo performances late in the season (including a goal in the final). Given the expectation was based around him being a benched sub I suppose that's something. Unfortunately, 0-2 as a Coach in GF’s. Upstaged by his wife in the Moody Media awards. Ordered new kit 👏
Still better than Phil.
Still better than Phil.
Vis - A- While he was first to reach 40, quickly dispelled any rumors he would be the first to be ‘promoted’ with his best season in recent years and our most improved (not a trait shared by any of his fellow 40 year old’s who all exhibited progressive decline) performer for 2022.
Brimmy C+. His motivational half times talks have taken on greater importance given his diminishing on field efforts. However, his best performances were off field in the area of team talks which occurred mostly post-match and involved addressing the performance of players from other teams to the actual players of the other teams. Some key performances in the back end of the season. Playing against bottom of the table teams in the 45’s.
Brimmy C+. His motivational half times talks have taken on greater importance given his diminishing on field efforts. However, his best performances were off field in the area of team talks which occurred mostly post-match and involved addressing the performance of players from other teams to the actual players of the other teams. Some key performances in the back end of the season. Playing against bottom of the table teams in the 45’s.
2021 Coach of the Year
This is not a commonly activated award but was actually a very competitive field in 2021.
Chris Cunsamy took his juniors to a grand final, Kamal coached his juniors to grand final glory, Bob Wales coached up a storm with an injury ravaged Stratford Seniors and Karl…well…. he got volun-told into the head coaching position at Leichardt Seniors and I can only imagine what type of self-harming personal journey that motivates. So how do you decide amongst such a worthy bunch.
This is not a commonly activated award but was actually a very competitive field in 2021.
Chris Cunsamy took his juniors to a grand final, Kamal coached his juniors to grand final glory, Bob Wales coached up a storm with an injury ravaged Stratford Seniors and Karl…well…. he got volun-told into the head coaching position at Leichardt Seniors and I can only imagine what type of self-harming personal journey that motivates. So how do you decide amongst such a worthy bunch.
Simple. Ignore every single one of them because there was another man out there in the footballing wilderness, under immense pressure trying to build the plane while flying the fucking thing at a 1000 miles per hour.
Let me tell you the tale why, you cunts.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times and Bordo had delegated the task of managing the 2021 Moody Blues October Carnival Team to Toddy and Dave Stuart. Brim was also asked to function in an auxiliary capacity to man manage the age eligible 35’s players. Sounds simple right. Well, it’s not and I started to see red flags when I started seeing texts like this sent to me on the eve of the carnival -
Let me tell you the tale why, you cunts.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times and Bordo had delegated the task of managing the 2021 Moody Blues October Carnival Team to Toddy and Dave Stuart. Brim was also asked to function in an auxiliary capacity to man manage the age eligible 35’s players. Sounds simple right. Well, it’s not and I started to see red flags when I started seeing texts like this sent to me on the eve of the carnival -
I don’t claim to be a footballing expert of any kind, but I know a thing or two about carnivals and here is the number one – bet your life on it – golden rule- piece of advice you should heed when organizing an Over 45’s team to play in an old bastards carnival.
Prior to the Carnival
Brim injured three days prior – Out,
Phil Donnelly injured with gobblers neck – out
Phil Ralfe – end of year fucked again - out
Graham – MIA suspected killed in action – out
Game One
Irish – no show – out
Wade finishes the first game and then gets the explosive shits – out.
Game Two
Andy, blown out hamstring – out
Kamal – sin binned after accusing the ref of racism and fuckery. Then starting his own racist tirade at the ref. – Out… but eventually came back the next day.
Day two, Game Three
Messina – marital handcuffs – out
- Get as many fuckers as you possibly fucking can, to be fucking present at the fucking grounds for each fucking game you fucking need to fucking play.
Prior to the Carnival
Brim injured three days prior – Out,
Phil Donnelly injured with gobblers neck – out
Phil Ralfe – end of year fucked again - out
Graham – MIA suspected killed in action – out
Game One
Irish – no show – out
Wade finishes the first game and then gets the explosive shits – out.
Game Two
Andy, blown out hamstring – out
Kamal – sin binned after accusing the ref of racism and fuckery. Then starting his own racist tirade at the ref. – Out… but eventually came back the next day.
Day two, Game Three
Messina – marital handcuffs – out
Andre Lowman and Karl Bennett arrive as reinforcements. Andre claims to have a spikey hamstring but he’s fucking going on. Love it. Both he and Karl sub on at the same time. Andre’s hamstring is clearly not ok. Karl actually beats him off with a blown-out leg muscle - out. Then Andre’s hamstring detonates - out. FFS.
It goes on. And it did fucking go on. We had 35 listed players for FOUR FUCKING games and we were still looking at a subs bench and wondering where the fuck everyone was?
It goes on. And it did fucking go on. We had 35 listed players for FOUR FUCKING games and we were still looking at a subs bench and wondering where the fuck everyone was?
Even with this never-ending shit show Toddy still steered the team to within a wisk of a grand final game but was knocked out on goal average.
2021 Coach of the Year – Toddy Dodgey Doherty.
2021 Coach of the Year – Toddy Dodgey Doherty.
So there you have it. 2021 is in the books with 2022 about to commence.
May our 29th year be a happy one.
Now fuck Off
Love always Bordo.
May our 29th year be a happy one.
Now fuck Off
Love always Bordo.